Emotional Abuse Recovery NOW

When "it is about you”

Once upon a time there was a beautiful, gifted, generous, young woman. She was modest also, and so she didn’t really believe that she could possibly be all those things. Still, she got on with her life the best way that she could.

Like all princesses, even princesses who travel through the world incognito, fairies had been present when she lay as a newborn in her crib.

Her fairy godmothers had done what they could to shower her with blessings.

Sadly the wicked fairy (or wicked witch, if you prefer) had appeared and waved her magic wand, casting a spell that would make the baby girl susceptible to self-doubt and self-loathing.

One fairy godmother had used her last spell to bestow upon the child the gift of intuition, that small, quiet voice that would warn her of danger at every turn in the road.

Provided she only listened…

Somewhere along the line she met a dead ringer for The Beast (as in "Beauty and The Beast"). She knew, from the moment her eyes first fell on this Beast that this creature was potentially very, very damaging for her.

That still, small voice warned her.

But the Beast was a cunning Beast, and he spoke long and loud. She let his voice drown out her intuition with the web of weasel words he spun.

The Princess fell for them, of course. It was part of her job description, Just as it was part of your job description and mine…

Had her fairy godmother been able to warn her in advance of the months and years of misery she would endure, as a consequence of listening to the Beast’s words, maybe, just maybe, she could have walked away…

But would we have walked away? Could we have walked away?

This week I was talking to a woman who has reconnected with her abusive partner two years after she ended the relationship.

Now, this woman did not look back on her ex-partner with any fondness. She had done a lot of work on her recovery. She had come a long way.

But circumstances conspired to have her spend more time than she would have cared to in his company, and the old hooks started biting into her flesh once again.

Why?

Before I answer the why, let me tell you what actually occurred. She spent time with him, and he was at his most winsome. Some of the time, at least, he was all the things she had ever wished he could have been.

A lot of the time he was not… But she managed to overlook that. (Funny how we do that, is it not?) She saw, she heard, she registered those behaviours that had always troubled her, those behaviours that, in time, would surely, once again, cause her endless pain.

Yet, she could disregard those behaviours.

She simply did not feel their impact.

Why not?

Why do we do that?

I could offer you a really clever explanation, and I am not at all sure it would be the right one.

Yes, abusive men are crazy-makers and they lull you into a kind of trance; they suck you into their highly skewed worldview. That’s true enough, but I don’t think that alone is a complete explanation.

Human beings have the habit, which can be both good and bad, of generalizing: just give us a fact and we will draw a generalization from it. We go from the detail to our own internal big picture (or dream). And once we get invested in our own big picture, it can take wild horses to drag us back from there.

So how does it work?

We each have our own dreams. They probably grew up in childhood, quite possibly as a way of compensating for things that we lacked. If we felt alone in childhood, we may have the yearning for a perfect love, for someone who will always be there for us, through thick and thin… That dream is the big picture we are – often hopelessly – drawn towards. That dream can lead us to be hopelessly attracted to an abusive man. That dream can lead us to become an abused woman.

We silence the voice of intuition because we are heavily invested in that big picture, or dream.

Having silenced our fairy godmother’s gift, we start the process of investing The Beast, who has thrust himself into our consciousness, with various qualities and characteristics from our dream. We do so without thinking whether or not these qualities and characteristics are a fit with reality.

That’s the joy of dreams, after all, that we can tweak things as we choose. Sadly, reality proves to be a very different affair. Try as we may, we can never tweak or mould our partner into our ideal.

Still, we give it our best shot. So aggressiveness becomes strength, talking (endlessly) about his own baggage becomes sensitivity, his neediness gets interpreted as a statement that he will cater to our needs.

How we invest in that dream!

And, because it is our dream and our generalization, it shuts out other possibilities.

Don’t believe me?

Well think about this: have you only ever been attracted to one kind of looks in a man? Have you only ever fallen for tall, dark and handsome? Or has your idea of what is attractive in a man changed in accordance with the man who currently had your heart?

We do this psychologically, at least as much as physically. We tell ourselves that our love object’s qualities are… well, lovable. Even when we know, beyond all doubt, that they are not.

When the woman I mentioned earlier fell back into her old dreams about her ex-partner, she was falling into the trap of confusing her dream with the world; confusing her stale, old dream with the sum of life’s possibilities.

So, it was about her, not him. It was about her feelings of scarcity. What she was really saying to herself, and living was this:

“I’m on the relationship breadline and I always will be.”

There is no better way of guaranteeing that you are, and always will be, on the relationship breadline than holding a belief like that.

Because you have gone into: “Poor me!” thinking.

It’s just not useful.

“Poor me!” might be right, if your entire life was over and it had been empty.

But your life is not over. You can still fill it with joy and meaning.

How about starting to create a new and rewarding dream?

How about starting right now?

NOW 1-2-1 Telephone Coaching With Annie

“My counsellor has been telling me for months that I don’t listen to her. But when you say something, Annie, I hear it.” Mimi P.

You don’t need me to tell you how hard it is to get your head together when you’ve been in an abusive relationship. Like me, you've been there. You know. Like me, you know what time can and cannot do. You know, by now, that your demons, and his, are always there, waiting for you in the shadows.

Some days you feel motivated to keep going and other days you’d be happy to give up and settle for a single crumb of affection from him.

You can waste months and years going through the same old pattern of hope and despair; as if you hadn’t wasted enough time on him already.

That’s when telephone coaching can really help.

Imagine having someone at the other end of the phone who:

understands exactly what you are going through
is totally focused on your recovery
has successfully helped hundreds of women in your situation
believes totally in your ability to move on
knows from experience that, given the right support, it will be way easier than you think to heal your life
really cares about your present pain and future happiness

“That’s all well and good, but I can’t commit to any long, slow process, Annie.”

Coaching is quick and effective.

Coaching will stop you going round and round the same old loop and start thinking constructively so you can feel good about yourself and your life.

You know how you stopped believing in Father Christmas once you were told he didn’t exist?

Well, once you have been told who your abusive partner really is, you won’t be able to believe all the lies he told you any more. Which will leave you free to put the pieces of your life back together again.

So you can get your life back, only much, much better.

Because everybody has different learning styles, Annie offers 30 minute and 60 minute telephone consultations at reasonable rates.

Whether you have 1 consultation or several is entirely up to you, but expect coaching to make a big difference.

Secure your first consultation NOW.

Get the support you need to change your life NOW.

“What will it cost me, Annie?”

"I could easily have charged $300 for an hour of my time. I usually do. But I wanted to make this service accessible to as many women as possible. So, for now, I'm charging the rock bottom price of just $50 for a 30 minute coaching consultation, or $100 for a full 60 minutes."

CLICK HERE to book a 30 minute coaching consultation.

CLICK HERE to book a 60 minute coaching consultation

How much is that when you focus on the weeks and months by which it will shorten your learning curve get rid of the pain and the obsession about an abusive partner and jump start your enjoyment of life?

If you don't take action now, your life won't change. But if you do, just 2 or 3 months from now, you can be that woman saying: "It's amazing. I've come so far and I feel so much better."

Your recovery can be fast, easy and joyful.

Is that something that you want for yourself?

Because if it is, I'm really looking forward to working with you.

So book your first consultation NOW!

BUY THE E-BOOK

"This is the most valuable recovery tool I have used. I am beginning to believe recovery is possible. Thanks." KAF

When I finally ended my marriage, the question that obsessed me was: “How do I heal from this?” After 20+ years in an abusive marriage, I'd had it with struggling with despair, sorrow, anger and pain. I wanted a life worth living.

I wanted to be emotionally whole and healthy. But I didn’t know where to start. So I did everything I could. I tried psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, group counselling. I read about abuse and talked about abuse. It all helped and I’m grateful to everyone and everything that helped move me along.

The knowledge I acquired was valuable, no doubt about it. But the one thing that enabled me to make the shift out of that dark world of fear and desperation was learning to believe in me again. The more I started to value and respect myself, the easier it became to move on.

Learning how you can rebuild your confidence and faith in yourself is the most healing journey you can possibly take. Your world starts to change the moment the moment your feelings about yourself start to change.

The more you value yourself, the more others will value you. My ebook will show you how to do that.

Everything I know about how to make that journey into healing and happiness has gone into my ebook “The Woman You Want To Be”.

It’s not a “quick fix”. When you are at rock bottom, there is no such thing as a "quick fix". What it is, is a structured programme that will guide you back to your inner joy, your gifts and a strong sense of your unique worth. It's not a "quick fix", but most women start to feel stronger and more positive within weeks.

Over the course of nearly a year, “The Woman You Want To Be” will guide you out of your limiting, negative thinking and into a new perspective on yourself and your world. You'll learn how you can access your strengths, your trust in yourself and your joy so that you won't have to live any more amid the rubble of broken dreams. Instead you can build the world for yourself in which you can enjoy happiness, true connection with others and thesuccess you want for yourself.

This 10 step workbook is a vital resource for women who want to discover their true potential in all areas of their life. It will teach you how you can believe in and value yourself as never before.

To purchase Annie’s ebook, go to: www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

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