Emotional Abuse Recovery NOW

You’re Too Sensitive!”

Has your abusive partner ever told you: “You’re too sensitive?”

Okay, let’s be more precise about this; has your abusive partner repeatedly told you that you are too sensitive? Because the chances are, if he has said it to you once, he’s said it a thousand times. That’s how abusive relationships work; an abusive partner throws the same complaints at you over and over again.

Why?

We’ll come to that in a moment. First, let’s deal with the really important question: How has that left you feeling?

Clearly, I don’t know you, and I can’t know how you think, but I’m guessing that it leaves you feeling small, needy, pathetic and very, very flawed.

Accusing your partner of being ‘too sensitive’ tends to make them feel as if someone has exposed a very dark, unlovable, immature feeling at the very heart of their being.

In short, it makes them feel unlovable.

There is a reason for this. When an abusive man says his partner is ‘too sensitive’, that is not just a throwaway remark, triggered by frustration; it is, actually, a well calculated barb with a venomous hidden agenda.

“You’re too sensitive”, is code; a code that, I suspect, you have not been translating correctly, until now. If you had, you probably would not have given your accuser the opportunity to wound you with that well-honed barb, time after time.

“But”, you might object, “I am very sensitive.” You might even say: “I am too sensitive.”

There is a distinction here that we need to clarify. When you say that you are ‘very sensitive’, or even ‘too sensitive’, what you actually mean is this: “I can feel hurt very easily; it doesn’t take much. I really wish that it wasn’t like this, but it is. There doesn’t seem to be much I can do about it.”

Acknowledging the acuity of their sensitivity tends to be a kind of apology that I often hear form abused women. They wish they could change it, but they can’t; at least not with the tools currently available to them.

When an abusive partner, or other near one, tells you that you are ‘too sensitive’, it is, apparently, because they wish you could change. (The subtext is that if you could change that it would, somehow, transform the abusive relationship.) Not that they are offering you any clues as to how you might reduce that sensitivity.

In reality, they don’t know how you could reduce that sensitivity; nor do they care. Much as they may criticize you for it, your sensitivity fits very nicely with their agenda. But they are not in a rush to admit that to you.

Think for a moment about the circumstances in which have been told that you are too sensitive. Most probably it happens when you feel hurt by something your abusive partner said; or else something they did, or did not do.

Had you been ‘less sensitive’, they figure, you would not have reacted. In other words, you would have just ‘got on with it’, and spared them the trouble of having to consider your feelings.

This holds true for other circumstances in which your ‘hypersensitivity’ means that you would like to receive comfort or reassurance.

That is not what your abusive partner, or other near one, had in mind.

When they say: “You’re too sensitive”, what they really mean is this: “Please don’t visit your feelings on me, I don’t want to hear about them.” There’s more as well - and it doesn’t get any better.

“You’re too sensitive” is shorthand for; “I’m really not prepared to take your feelings into account. In fact, I thoroughly resent your visiting them on me. As far as I am concerned, this is the way I believe our relationship should work: I can say whatever I like to you, and you will get on and deal with it, without making a fuss and trying to make me feel bad about it. What’s wrong with you, anyway? Why can’t you just get on with being in an abusive relationship without moaning about it?”

The question, “What’s wrong with you, anyway?” is the key to your partner’s thinking. There must be something wrong with you, or else you would respond to whatever it is that they said or did in exactly the way they would have you respond. In other words, what they wanted was no response from you. (

In an abusive relationship, all communication is intended to be a one way street. Whatever it was that they said or do, they hoped that you would let them ‘get away with it’. And you did not.

It’s not as if you took a strong stand; anything but. A strong stand would have meant saying: “This is unacceptable.” You would then make yourself scarce, as far as they were concerned. Your abusive partner would duly get the message that they were out of order, and would need to clean up their act, or else lose you.

Whether or not they would clean up their act is another story.

If, instead, your refusal to accept abuse led to the earlier end of a damaging relationship that was bound to end in unhappiness anyway, then your strong stand has paid off handsomely. That would save you time and misery.

And if it concentrated their mind, and led them to behave better in the future, even better.

But just asking an abusive man to behave, and/or speak to you, differently, is as ineffectual as saying to a child: “Oh, don’t do that!” All it conveys is your weakness and your reluctance to act.

It leaves your abuser free to repeat the pattern time and time again. He will continue to speak and act as he pleases and, when you object, he will reproach you, again, for ‘being too sensitive’. With that one simple phrase he has laid the blame for the hurt in the situation on you.

With one simple piece of sleight of mouth, he has dumped blame for the situation on you, so that he comes up smelling of roses. Or, at least, as close to smelling of roses as he is ever likely to get.

How did you get into an abusive relationship like that in the first place?

Here’s the irony: it happened, in part, because of your sensitivity. Not that there is anything wrong with being sensitive; there is not. However, an abusive man has a finely tuned nose, and can smell sensitivity a mile off. He knows that he can exploit that sensitivity to gain control over another person. He knows just how to do that – as you have discovered, to your cost.

So what will you do differently about your sensitivity in the future?

First, you need to become much more vigilant; you take on board that someone who is prepared to disregard your ‘sensitivity’ is telling you that they will completely and utterly disregard your feelings. You give such people a very wide berth. Second, you learn to honour and manage that sensitivity; treat it with respect and other people will treat you with respect, also.

Learn how to honour your sensitivity and steer clear of critical people, in just 10 weeks, on the Accelerated Abuse Recovery program.

CLICK HERE to find out more about the Accelerated Abuse Recovery Teleprogram.

NOW 1-2-1 Telephone Coaching With Annie

“My counsellor has been telling me for months that I don’t listen to her. But when you say something, Annie, I hear it.” Mimi P.

You don’t need me to tell you how hard it is to get your head together when you’ve been in an abusive relationship. Like me, you've been there. You know. Like me, you know what time can and cannot do. You know, by now, that your demons, and his, are always there, waiting for you in the shadows.

Some days you feel motivated to keep going and other days you’d be happy to give up and settle for a single crumb of affection from him.

You can waste months and years going through the same old pattern of hope and despair; as if you hadn’t wasted enough time on him already.

That’s when telephone coaching can really help.

Imagine having someone at the other end of the phone who:

understands exactly what you are going through
is totally focused on your recovery
has successfully helped hundreds of women in your situation
believes totally in your ability to move on
knows from experience that, given the right support, it will be way easier than you think to heal your life
really cares about your present pain and future happiness

“That’s all well and good, but I can’t commit to any long, slow process, Annie.”

Coaching is quick and effective.

Coaching will stop you going round and round the same old loop and start thinking constructively so you can feel good about yourself and your life.

You know how you stopped believing in Father Christmas once you were told he didn’t exist?

Well, once you have been told who your abusive partner really is, you won’t be able to believe all the lies he told you any more. Which will leave you free to put the pieces of your life back together again.

So you can get your life back, only much, much better.

Because everybody has different learning styles, Annie offers 30 minute and 60 minute telephone consultations at reasonable rates.

Whether you have 1 consultation or several is entirely up to you, but expect coaching to make a big difference.

Secure your first consultation NOW.

Get the support you need to change your life NOW.

“What will it cost me, Annie?”

"I could easily have charged $300 for an hour of my time. I usually do. But I wanted to make this service accessible to as many women as possible. So, for now, I'm charging the rock bottom price of just $50 for a 30 minute coaching consultation, or $100 for a full 60 minutes."

CLICK HERE to book a 30 minute coaching consultation.

CLICK HERE to book a 60 minute coaching consultation

How much is that when you focus on the weeks and months by which it will shorten your learning curve get rid of the pain and the obsession about an abusive partner and jump start your enjoyment of life?

If you don't take action now, your life won't change. But if you do, just 2 or 3 months from now, you can be that woman saying: "It's amazing. I've come so far and I feel so much better."

Your recovery can be fast, easy and joyful.

Is that something that you want for yourself?

Because if it is, I'm really looking forward to working with you.

So book your first consultation NOW!

BUY THE E-BOOK

"This is the most valuable recovery tool I have used. I am beginning to believe recovery is possible. Thanks." KAF

When I finally ended my marriage, the question that obsessed me was: “How do I heal from this?” After 20+ years in an abusive marriage, I'd had it with struggling with despair, sorrow, anger and pain. I wanted a life worth living.

I wanted to be emotionally whole and healthy. But I didn’t know where to start. So I did everything I could. I tried psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, group counselling. I read about abuse and talked about abuse. It all helped and I’m grateful to everyone and everything that helped move me along.

The knowledge I acquired was valuable, no doubt about it. But the one thing that enabled me to make the shift out of that dark world of fear and desperation was learning to believe in me again. The more I started to value and respect myself, the easier it became to move on.

Learning how you can rebuild your confidence and faith in yourself is the most healing journey you can possibly take. Your world starts to change the moment the moment your feelings about yourself start to change.

The more you value yourself, the more others will value you. My ebook will show you how to do that.

Everything I know about how to make that journey into healing and happiness has gone into my ebook “The Woman You Want To Be”.

It’s not a “quick fix”. When you are at rock bottom, there is no such thing as a "quick fix". What it is, is a structured programme that will guide you back to your inner joy, your gifts and a strong sense of your unique worth. It's not a "quick fix", but most women start to feel stronger and more positive within weeks.

Over the course of nearly a year, “The Woman You Want To Be” will guide you out of your limiting, negative thinking and into a new perspective on yourself and your world. You'll learn how you can access your strengths, your trust in yourself and your joy so that you won't have to live any more amid the rubble of broken dreams. Instead you can build the world for yourself in which you can enjoy happiness, true connection with others and thesuccess you want for yourself.

This 10 step workbook is a vital resource for women who want to discover their true potential in all areas of their life. It will teach you how you can believe in and value yourself as never before.

To purchase Annie’s ebook, go to: www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

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