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Are You an Emotionally Abused Woman Who Is SICK and TIRED of the Misery of an Abusive Relationship?
Are you READY
to start your emotional
abuse recovery NOW? |
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| Emotional Abuse Recovery NOW |
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Are You an Emotionally Abused Woman Who Is SICK and TIRED of the Misery of an Abusive Relationship?
Are you READY
to start your emotional
abuse recovery NOW? |
|
|
On Courage Last week I ran a workshop for a number of women who were quite clear that they wanted more courage. If they could only have more courage, they said, they would be able to:
You know the kind of thing. You may have said it yourself – I know I have - whether you have said it about ‘courage’ or ‘confidence’. What it means is approximately: ‘I don’t’ feel able to take charge of my life right now. When I have more of this thing that I lack, I will be able to.’ Now, one of the most inspirational things I have ever heard was said by NLP Trainer Jamie Smart (www.saladltd.co.uk). This is what he said: “People can always do the thing they say they can’t.” Sometimes it can feel like a bit of a stretch to believe that people can always do the thing they say they can’t (sometimes it has felt like a bit of a stretch to believe that I can do the thing I say I can’t) and yet I see it all the time. I see it in my workshops and in my coaching clients’ eyes, I hear it in their voices. The timing always amazes me: people will tell me quite adamantly what they cannot do. Their negativity is profoundly convincing; it convinces them totally, and, often, feels fairly solid to me. And yet… The time comes when they suddenly light up and move on from that place. How does it happen? Does Fedex or UPI suddenly arrive with a nicely wrapped, industrial size consignment of ‘courage’, or ‘confidence’? Hardly! In fact, when the shift suddenly occurs the ‘C’ word is conspicuous by its absence. Instead, the women just ‘get on and do’ whatever it was that they could not get on and do before. Courage and confidence are no more than the absence of blocks. So how do you get to that ‘absence of blocks’? A very unappealing word springs to mind: responsibility. At my workshop there was a tiny little woman, who spent the first few hours weeping, with a look of extreme hostility on her face. She had spent some years with a man who was in jail for a very short time for having kicked in several of her ribs. When he came out, there would be no restraining order on him and she was terrified she would go back to him. She still loved him. She wasn’t engaging with me or any of the other women, although she was there because she wanted more of the ‘C’ word that the workshop was offering. There she sat, weeping and glowering. She was clearly the woman there whose suffering was most recent and most acute. It was only when we began talking about our obligations to put boundaries in place in our relationships that she decided to speak. She said it was impossible to put boundaries in place with a man who was as violent as her partner. I agreed completely. When you have a violent, furious partner standing in front of you is no time to make a principled stand on boundaries. Still I shared with her my truth, which was also the truth of all the other women there. Everyone goes into a relationship on a contract, whether or not they are aware of it. The abusive contract that I, and every other woman there had signed up for, albeit unawares, was this: “I will tolerate whatever you dish out.” How can I say that, when you, and I, may have protested bitterly and even broken up over the things that upset us? Because we always gave in, always ultimately went back to our partner, and excused, overlooked, denied, or minimized the unacceptability of their words and deeds. It’s true, is it not? Whatever we said along the way, the ultimate message our abuser received and registered was this: “This too I will accept. I may not like it, but I am still here.” At every step along the way, our behaviours offered our partner compliance. Sure, we may have spoken brave, fighting words. But we were still there, still willing to keep on going with the relationship. The little woman carried on glowering at me. She snarled that it was hardly her fault that her husband had battered her as brutally as he had. I agreed. It is never our fault. The choice to visit violence on another person belongs solely to the perpetrator. But we have to take responsibility for accepting the “Stay and Get Hurt” option. (I can still remember how hard I resisted owning my own share of responsibility.) The little woman looked increasingly furiously at me and I said: “I don’t believe that he beat you up on the first date, did he?” (He did not.) “Nor do I believe that he pitched straight into the level of violence he has used with you recently.” (Again, he had not.) “He escalated his bad behaviours over time, did he not?” (He did.) Like a small child, he had tested her out all along the way and carefully registered her message. He knew he could ‘get away with’ more and more, because she kept falling back into “Stay and Get Hurt” mode. At the end of the workshop, she said that she would not go back to him. She was not prepared to accept his bad behaviours any more; she could see the part that her acceptance had played in the evolution of the relationship. I thought that was huge. But what came next amazed me even more. She said she was going to go out and look for a job. She had stopped feeling small, and frightened and worthless. She had started reconnecting with the person she was before she met him. Suddenly, she knew she could pick herself up, start over, and be successful. Taking responsibility for the bad stuff in her life left her free to take responsibility for the good stuff also. The net result was that she could be authentic, and with that authenticity came courage. We have all let an abusive relationship interfere with our authenticity. When we own our own responsibility we can let go of blame and shame. Then we are truly free to move on.NOW 1-2-1 Telephone Coaching With Annie
You don’t need me to tell you how hard it is to get your head together when you’ve been in an abusive relationship. Like me, you've been there. You know. Like me, you know what time can and cannot do. You know, by now, that your demons, and his, are always there, waiting for you in the shadows.
Some days you feel motivated to keep going and other days you’d be happy to give up and settle for a single crumb of affection from him.
You can waste months and years going through the same old pattern of hope and despair; as if you hadn’t wasted enough time on him already.
That’s when telephone coaching can really help.
Imagine having someone at the other end of the phone who:
“That’s all well and good, but I can’t commit to any long, slow process, Annie.”
Coaching is quick and effective.
Coaching will stop you going round and round the same old loop and start thinking constructively so you can feel good about yourself and your life.
You know how you stopped believing in Father Christmas once you were told he didn’t exist?
Well, once you have been told who your abusive partner really is, you won’t be able to believe all the lies he told you any more. Which will leave you free to put the pieces of your life back together again.
So you can get your life back, only much, much better.
Because everybody has different learning styles, Annie offers 30 minute and 60 minute telephone consultations at reasonable rates.
Whether you have 1 consultation or several is entirely up to you, but expect coaching to make a big difference.
Secure your first consultation NOW.
Get the support you need to change your life NOW.
“What will it cost me, Annie?”
"I could easily have charged $300 for an hour of my time. I usually do. But I wanted to make this service accessible to as many women as possible. So, for now, I'm charging the rock bottom price of just $50 for a 30 minute coaching consultation, or $100 for a full 60 minutes."
CLICK HERE to book a 30 minute coaching consultation.
CLICK HERE to book a 60 minute coaching consultation
How much is that when you focus on the weeks and months by which it will shorten your learning curve get rid of the pain and the obsession about an abusive partner and jump start your enjoyment of life?
If you don't take action now, your life won't change. But if you do, just 2 or 3 months from now, you can be that woman saying: "It's amazing. I've come so far and I feel so much better."
Your recovery can be fast, easy and joyful.
Is that something that you want for yourself?
Because if it is, I'm really looking forward to working with you.
So book your first consultation NOW!
The more you value yourself, the more
others will value you. My ebook will show you how to do that.
It’s not a “quick
fix”. When you are at rock bottom, there is no such thing as a
"quick fix". What it is, is a structured programme that will guide
you back to your
inner joy, your gifts and a strong sense of your unique worth.
It's not a "quick fix", but most women start to feel stronger and
more positive within weeks.
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