Emotional Abuse Recovery NOW

“It’s not about you!” Part 1

When you are in an abusive relationship, you quickly discover that everything you do is wrong.

The message your abusive partner gives you loud and clear is that it’s all about you and what you do wrong.

The relationship can’t work because of what you do wrong. He loses his temper sometimes and becomes hostile because of what you do wrong. If he doesn’t have a job, that is because of what you do wrong. If he has a job and is desperately unhappy then that’s because of what you do wrong. Everything bad that happens in his life is somehow because of what you do wrong.

If something good were to happen, which it rarely does, that would not be about you; that would be about him. And if, by chance, it does happen, life will surely fall back into the old negative default pattern before long, and that will be because of what you do wrong.

A crude, but accurate, rule of thumb would be this: everything is always, entirely your fault, because of what you do wrong.

It’s not surprising abused women think that ‘it’ is all about them. They hear it often enough.

But here’s the curious thing; abusive men all say much the same thing, the world over. (And, as a result, abused women all believe much the same thing about themselves.)

Now, I’m not a great believer in coincidence at the best of times, and in this case I don’t buy it for a moment. When you find abusive men, rich and poor, thousands and thousands of miles apart, coming out with the same negative claptrap, that is never coincidence. That is programming.

How does it happen?

As I see it, when people refuse to take responsibility for themselves they end up playing out some primitive programming.

What do I mean by that?

Think back either to your own playground days, or your children’s. Say, a small child falls over, or experiences some other kind of mishap, how often does he, or she, explain it by saying: “X pushed me, or Y made me…”?

It would never be just down to them.

We need to be taught how to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. That is an essential part of becoming an adult. And it’s something abusive men choose not to learn in their intimate relationships. I say “choose” because some abusive men may choose to act responsibly in the outside world.

Why would they make different choices for the outside world and their own home? Because they have a shrewd idea of what they need to do to get by in each environment.

When an abusive man chose you, he had already sounded out your capacity for compliance and, at the very least, he knew that you would accept his world view. It may have been ‘two of you against the world’ at the start, but the key word in that was against; not ‘two’, as you probably hoped and believed.

Abusive men are still playing out the small child’s view of the world, in which they are the center of everything. If a situation pans out differently, they will throw a temper tantrum to re-establish their desired status quo. (When have you known an abusive man genuinely negotiate and defer to his partner?)

These temper tantrums are never about you. He chose you because he wanted someone who would make him right and reflect an idealized view of him back to him.

You wanted someone who, in return for your love, would love, respect and care for you.

He wanted someone who, in exchange for being told she was loved, would love, respect and care for him unconditionally. He might have been prepared to mouth the right words to you, but he was never going to show love, respect and care in his behaviour towards you – or any other woman.

You were prepared to show love, through considerate actions; he was not.

Abusive men ‘do’ love for their partner without care or consideration.

Why?

Because it is never about you.

The relationship is simply about them fuelling their need for a curious fusion of a mother, status symbol and whipping boy. That’s what they want and need.

It is not about who you are. Who you truly are becomes increasingly unimportant in the relationship. You are merely there for a purpose, likes drugs or alcohol, to be used, or abused, to maybe dull his bad feelings and make him feel better about himself.

It doesn’t work, of course.

Because only he can address his bad feelings, as only you can address yours.

You are reading this today because you want to shed the trauma of an abusive relationship. If you take only one thing from this newsletter, please, please, take this: it was never about you.

The verbal, emotional and physical punishment an abuser metes out always comes in a package with your name on. And it is never about you. It is simply toddler stuff delivered by a chronological adult.

Still don’t believe me?

Just tune out from the words and observe the actions and the facial expression. Whether that man is 17, 37, 77 or any age in between, he is having a temper tantrum (or ‘has gone off on one’ as we say in the UK). That is about not getting exactly what he wants precisely when he wants it: it is not about you.

NOW 1-2-1 Telephone Coaching With Annie

“My counsellor has been telling me for months that I don’t listen to her. But when you say something, Annie, I hear it.” Mimi P.

You don’t need me to tell you how hard it is to get your head together when you’ve been in an abusive relationship. Like me, you've been there. You know. Like me, you know what time can and cannot do. You know, by now, that your demons, and his, are always there, waiting for you in the shadows.

Some days you feel motivated to keep going and other days you’d be happy to give up and settle for a single crumb of affection from him.

You can waste months and years going through the same old pattern of hope and despair; as if you hadn’t wasted enough time on him already.

That’s when telephone coaching can really help.

Imagine having someone at the other end of the phone who:

understands exactly what you are going through
is totally focused on your recovery
has successfully helped hundreds of women in your situation
believes totally in your ability to move on
knows from experience that, given the right support, it will be way easier than you think to heal your life
really cares about your present pain and future happiness

“That’s all well and good, but I can’t commit to any long, slow process, Annie.”

Coaching is quick and effective.

Coaching will stop you going round and round the same old loop and start thinking constructively so you can feel good about yourself and your life.

You know how you stopped believing in Father Christmas once you were told he didn’t exist?

Well, once you have been told who your abusive partner really is, you won’t be able to believe all the lies he told you any more. Which will leave you free to put the pieces of your life back together again.

So you can get your life back, only much, much better.

Because everybody has different learning styles, Annie offers 30 minute and 60 minute telephone consultations at reasonable rates.

Whether you have 1 consultation or several is entirely up to you, but expect coaching to make a big difference.

Secure your first consultation NOW.

Get the support you need to change your life NOW.

“What will it cost me, Annie?”

"I could easily have charged $300 for an hour of my time. I usually do. But I wanted to make this service accessible to as many women as possible. So, for now, I'm charging the rock bottom price of just $50 for a 30 minute coaching consultation, or $100 for a full 60 minutes."

CLICK HERE to book a 30 minute coaching consultation.

CLICK HERE to book a 60 minute coaching consultation

How much is that when you focus on the weeks and months by which it will shorten your learning curve get rid of the pain and the obsession about an abusive partner and jump start your enjoyment of life?

If you don't take action now, your life won't change. But if you do, just 2 or 3 months from now, you can be that woman saying: "It's amazing. I've come so far and I feel so much better."

Your recovery can be fast, easy and joyful.

Is that something that you want for yourself?

Because if it is, I'm really looking forward to working with you.

So book your first consultation NOW!

BUY THE E-BOOK

"This is the most valuable recovery tool I have used. I am beginning to believe recovery is possible. Thanks." KAF

When I finally ended my marriage, the question that obsessed me was: “How do I heal from this?” After 20+ years in an abusive marriage, I'd had it with struggling with despair, sorrow, anger and pain. I wanted a life worth living.

I wanted to be emotionally whole and healthy. But I didn’t know where to start. So I did everything I could. I tried psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, group counselling. I read about abuse and talked about abuse. It all helped and I’m grateful to everyone and everything that helped move me along.

The knowledge I acquired was valuable, no doubt about it. But the one thing that enabled me to make the shift out of that dark world of fear and desperation was learning to believe in me again. The more I started to value and respect myself, the easier it became to move on.

Learning how you can rebuild your confidence and faith in yourself is the most healing journey you can possibly take. Your world starts to change the moment the moment your feelings about yourself start to change.

The more you value yourself, the more others will value you. My ebook will show you how to do that.

Everything I know about how to make that journey into healing and happiness has gone into my ebook “The Woman You Want To Be”.

It’s not a “quick fix”. When you are at rock bottom, there is no such thing as a "quick fix". What it is, is a structured programme that will guide you back to your inner joy, your gifts and a strong sense of your unique worth. It's not a "quick fix", but most women start to feel stronger and more positive within weeks.

Over the course of nearly a year, “The Woman You Want To Be” will guide you out of your limiting, negative thinking and into a new perspective on yourself and your world. You'll learn how you can access your strengths, your trust in yourself and your joy so that you won't have to live any more amid the rubble of broken dreams. Instead you can build the world for yourself in which you can enjoy happiness, true connection with others and thesuccess you want for yourself.

This 10 step workbook is a vital resource for women who want to discover their true potential in all areas of their life. It will teach you how you can believe in and value yourself as never before.

To purchase Annie’s ebook, go to: www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

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