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Are You an Emotionally Abused Woman Who Is SICK and TIRED of the Misery of an Abusive Relationship?
Are you READY
to start your emotional
abuse recovery NOW? |
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| Emotional Abuse Recovery NOW |
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Are You an Emotionally Abused Woman Who Is SICK and TIRED of the Misery of an Abusive Relationship?
Are you READY
to start your emotional
abuse recovery NOW? |
|
|
“Don’t throw your love away” Talking to a client this week, I was reminded of a song by a now forgotten English group, The Searchers: “Don’t throw your love away”. It is a very old song indeed, and one that had slipped totally from my mind, until I listened to this lady talk about her relationship. Like so many abused women, she was throwing good love after bad. As her partner became increasingly unloving; she responded by lavishing more and more love on him. Should it have worked? In theory, yes. I remember once hearing that it is almost impossible not to respond to the love that someone gives you. Yet, you, and I, as abused women, know that this is not also always so. What makes our attempts to love an abusive man so doomed to failure? It would be so easy to foist blame onto our partner: we could argue that the problem lies with them, that they respond in a pathological way. Let’s suppose for a moment that that is not true. You see, whether or not it is true, it is certainly not helpful. If we foist blame on them, we choose not to look at our own behaviour, and that leaves us free – or more probably, prequalified - to repeat the same, painful relationship with another abusive partner. We fall in love with abusive men who exhibit a behaviour or two that we find attractive. Thinking back to my own abusive partner, one thing that enchanted me at the time was how much nicer he was to me than to the rest of the world. (Sadly, that is not an overstatement.) Dim young thing that I was, I doubtless ascribed it to the ‘power of love’ in one form or another. I thought his true character coming out with me. Either that, or it was a sign of how marvellously good I was for him, that I could transform this man… (Excuse me, while I throw up.) Silly, silly me! The way he was with the world at large (aggressive and angry, rather than pleasant) was the way he would become in time with me, but much, much more so. Still, how was I to know that? There is something charming about seeing someone on their very best behaviour around you, or so I thought at the time. It’s something about you keeping them effortlessly on their toes. It made me feel important and… well, valuable, possibly even powerful. (Those were not feelings I was getting elsewhere in my life.) Long-term, it was never going to work out. People revert to type. My abusive ex – husband extended his unpleasant behaviours into the home, rather than extending his mellow behaviours out into the world. (I share this with you, secure in the knowledge that I am talking about a clone that you too know well.) I am very aware that some abusive men can, and do, present as very charming in their social interactions. Still, generally there is, I think, a law of diminishing returns: the more prolonged and profound contact they have with people, the less they can be bothered to maintain the façade. But enough about them. The more abusive men revert to type, the more love abusive women throw at them. And, this is the thing: we love them not as they are – let’s face it, that would take a lot of doing – but they way we want them to be. I have yet to speak to an abused woman who says: “I love my partner because he disregards my feelings, and treats me with contempt, and picks fights with me, and rejects me all the time, for no reason whatsoever.” No, abused women always, always tell you how they suffer with their partner’s bad behaviours but love him for his potential, that is this sales pitch he once fed them. (He made his sales pitch to you when he laid out his ‘wares’ about who he could be, what he could offer a prospective partner, and what made him better than all the other models around.) Let’s face it, he sold himself to you (and me) pretty well. But the after sales service was diabolical. Generally, we don’t continue to make the same misguided investment in an unsatisfactory consumer durable. Maybe you are scandalized that I can equate an abusive man with a bad purchase. An abusive partner is just about the worst investment you will ever make in your life, in every sense. You lose months, or years of your time. Often your career suffers, your finances suffer, your health suffers, your emotional well-being suffers and yet… You still continue to throw good love after bad; as if quantity alone will change the outcome.: “I have given this man everything I have for the last X months/years, and it hasn’t worked. So, I’m guessing that if I just chuck another shed-load or two more his way, suddenly we will reach the tipping point and he will turn into Prince Charming.” (We’ve all read ‘Beauty and the Beast’, haven’t we? Many of us are still paying the price, still believing that even though he looks mean, and acts mean, he might yet turn into the Man of Our Dreams.) That was exactly where my client was this week; waiting for the Beast to transform, unaware that the petals falling relentlessly from the rose were the petals of her life, not his. In her own mind, she was employing the one strategy that was bound to work, sooner or later: she was loving her man, to the best of her ability. She was loving him over and above any love she had for herself. And she was bleeding herself dry, but to no avail. Like all of us in similar circumstances, she was off on a ‘love jag’. The love that she felt for this man was it’s own justification. It was then that the words of the Searchers’ old song came back to me:
“Don't throw
your love away, no, no, no, no Are you throwing your love, and your dreams, away right now? How much better will your life be when you invest that love productively in yourself and in people who will reciprocate it? When will you start to treat your love with the care and respect it deserves?
NOW 1-2-1 Telephone Coaching With Annie
You don’t need me to tell you how hard it is to get your head together when you’ve been in an abusive relationship. Like me, you've been there. You know. Like me, you know what time can and cannot do. You know, by now, that your demons, and his, are always there, waiting for you in the shadows.
Some days you feel motivated to keep going and other days you’d be happy to give up and settle for a single crumb of affection from him.
You can waste months and years going through the same old pattern of hope and despair; as if you hadn’t wasted enough time on him already.
That’s when telephone coaching can really help.
Imagine having someone at the other end of the phone who:
“That’s all well and good, but I can’t commit to any long, slow process, Annie.”
Coaching is quick and effective.
Coaching will stop you going round and round the same old loop and start thinking constructively so you can feel good about yourself and your life.
You know how you stopped believing in Father Christmas once you were told he didn’t exist?
Well, once you have been told who your abusive partner really is, you won’t be able to believe all the lies he told you any more. Which will leave you free to put the pieces of your life back together again.
So you can get your life back, only much, much better.
Because everybody has different learning styles, Annie offers 30 minute and 60 minute telephone consultations at reasonable rates.
Whether you have 1 consultation or several is entirely up to you, but expect coaching to make a big difference.
Secure your first consultation NOW.
Get the support you need to change your life NOW.
“What will it cost me, Annie?”
"I could easily have charged $300 for an hour of my time. I usually do. But I wanted to make this service accessible to as many women as possible. So, for now, I'm charging the rock bottom price of just $50 for a 30 minute coaching consultation, or $100 for a full 60 minutes."
CLICK HERE to book a 30 minute coaching consultation.
CLICK HERE to book a 60 minute coaching consultation
How much is that when you focus on the weeks and months by which it will shorten your learning curve get rid of the pain and the obsession about an abusive partner and jump start your enjoyment of life?
If you don't take action now, your life won't change. But if you do, just 2 or 3 months from now, you can be that woman saying: "It's amazing. I've come so far and I feel so much better."
Your recovery can be fast, easy and joyful.
Is that something that you want for yourself?
Because if it is, I'm really looking forward to working with you.
So book your first consultation NOW!
The more you value yourself, the more
others will value you. My ebook will show you how to do that.
It’s not a “quick
fix”. When you are at rock bottom, there is no such thing as a
"quick fix". What it is, is a structured programme that will guide
you back to your
inner joy, your gifts and a strong sense of your unique worth.
It's not a "quick fix", but most women start to feel stronger and
more positive within weeks.
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