Written and published by Annie Kaszina
Women's Self-Discovery Coach
www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com
 

Remember when you were thankful for someone forwarding you an email? Well, who do you know who would love to receive this one? Feel free to pass it on.

This newsletter is for women everywhere who have tried, in vain, to be the woman other people wanted them to be and are now ready to discover and become the woman they truly want to be.
 

To sign up to this ezine, go to www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com 

My name is Annie Kaszina and I spent over twenty years in an abusive marriage, before I learned how I could become the woman I want to be. Now I work with women who have been in controlling and abusive relationships, to facilitate their journey into joy and self-realisation.
 

"All of the things that I have read that you've offered have been miraculously good for me. I read what you write and I feel myself identifying, relating, and even beginning to heal after a verbally abusive marriage of 18 years. I'm happy to discover that I'm not dirt after all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And bless you, bless you, bless you!" Marianne K

"I just wanted to say thank you for your support. Whether you know it or not, you are a blessing to me with your words of true wisdom. I know you are soaring like a eagle and I can see you fly and I am still the bird in the cage on the ground, waiting for the moment to fly myself. Thank you once again, because I feel myself getting braver reading your newsletters." S.C.
 

1.    11 Thing That Keep You Stuck In The Abused Mind-Set
2.    BUY THE E-BOOK - "The Woman You Want To Be"

  1.  11 Thing That Keep You Stuck In The Abused Mind-Set

•  Being ‘different’ – “I’m not the same as other people because I am going though so much more sh*te.”  Being different lends itself to the “Yes, but…” syndrome: “because I’m different, nothing you say applies to me.  My suffering sets me apart.”
   
• Being ‘special’ – other people don’t have the same intensity of emotion (read misery) that I do.  This makes me special.
   
• You get the moral high ground, because of his appalling treatment of you.  (Sure, it’s pretty lonely and cold up there, but still it feels better than being down in the mud where he kept you.  Actually, there are other places.  There are hillsides, seasides, villages.  Create a vision and you can start to move towards it.)
   
• You have a dramatic story to tell.  This does two things: it commands attention – and respect – and it establishes status and identity.  You are a person who has been through so many awful things.  People have to acknowledge that.  Some will and some will decide they can’t hack it after a while, and that is another injustice you suffer.
   
• You get to abdicate responsibility.  Certainly, you did not cause the toxic relationship in your life.  Your abusive partner has his own responsibility for that.  Nevertheless you did, at some level, attract and allow it.  Every abused woman I have ever worked with had an intuition at the start of the relationship.  She sensed she was making a mistake and overrode that intuition.  Accepting responsibility does not mean shouldering blame; the two things are quite separate.  What we do not own, we cannot change.  Responsibility makes you the creator of your life, which means that you can make different choices in the future with different results.  Victimhood leaves you stuck.
   
• You get to escape change.  Going round and round the closed circuit of your story again and again means that you have no energy and no opening for change.  Because he has told you endlessly how much harder life will be without him, you end up believing that ‘different’ means ‘worse’.  (Although, when you stop to think about he, he wasn’t usually either that truthful or accurate in his predictions.)
   
• You get to keep thinking small.  This one comes up again and again in my workshops.  There comes a point when women can embrace a new way of thinking, with new insights, new visions and new hope, or stick with the known.  But you can’t do both at the same time.  Some women see the big picture and go straight for it.  A few prefer to stay with the small known picture.  They might say: “When the mess I am in is over, then I will think bigger.”  But for as long as they focus on the mess that mess will dominate their consciousness. 
   
• You avoid the challenge of feeling happy in the moment.  I’ve heard the argument that being happy just sets you up for disappointment about as often as I’ve had hot dinners lately.  I don’t buy it.  Expecting disappointment sets you up for disappointment.  Being happy in the moment teaches you to be happy in the moment.  I’m guessing that even if you can’t eat in a 5 star restaurant every night, you will still eat and quite often enjoy what you eat.  The same goes for happiness, why not enjoy whatever you can get now?  It beat unhappiness.  It really doesn’t take much enjoyment of the moment to make a dent in profound feelings of unhappiness.
   
• You’re able to totally avoid having fun! 
   
• You don’t have to be positive, ever.
   
• You can be at least as hard on yourself as ever he was.  You don’t have to love yourself at all.

 Abused women are programmed by their partner to focus on loss and lack.  What do you lose when you step out of that mind-set?  Absolutely nothing.   

How do you get out of it?  Understanding about abuse will inform you, but it won’t necessarily set you free.  You get out of it by starting to focus on yourself in a caring, positive way. 

Now, I’m aware that you may well not know how to do this for yourself.  Why?  Because nobody ever taught you.  Most people don’t know how to teach you.  Either they were lucky and were born into a nurturing, supportive family, or they weren’t.   

Happily, you can learn to do that for yourself.  You can start any time you choose.  It may take a little while, but it is very doable.  It will work.  My ebook The Woman You Want To Be’ is a powerful tool that will enable you to do just that.  

Victimhood has its own small rewards.  There are much bigger ones waiting out there for you.  You just have to make the decision to step out of that small, claustrophobic circle of misery.

 3.  BUY THE E-BOOK - "The Woman You Want To Be"
 

When I finally ended my marriage, the question that obsessed me was: “How do I heal from this?” After 20+ years in an abusive marriage, I'd had it with struggling with despair, sorrow, anger and pain. I wanted a life worth living. 

I wanted to be emotionally whole and healthy. But I didn’t know where to start. So I did everything I could. I tried psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, group counselling. I read about abuse and talked about abuse. It all helped and I’m grateful to everyone and everything that helped move me along.

The knowledge I acquired was valuable, no doubt about it. But the one thing that enabled me to make the shift out of that dark world of fear and desperation was learning to believe in me again. The more I started to value and respect myself, the easier it became to move on.

Learning how you can rebuild your confidence and faith in yourself is the most healing journey you can possibly take. Your world starts to change the moment the moment your feelings about yourself start to change. 

The more you value yourself, the more others will value you.  My ebook will show you how to do that.

Everything I know about how to make that journey into healing and happiness has gone into my ebook “The Woman You Want To Be”.

It’s not a “quick fix”.  When you are at rock bottom, there is no such thing as a "quick fix".  What it is, is a structured programme that will guide you back to your inner joy, your gifts and a strong sense of your unique worth.  It's not a "quick fix", but most women start to feel stronger and more positive within weeks.

Over the course of nearly a year, “The Woman You Want To Be” will guide you out of your limiting, negative thinking and into a new perspective on yourself and your world. You'll learn how you can access your strengths, your trust in yourself and your joy so that you won't have to live any more amid the rubble of broken dreams. Instead you can build the world for yourself in which you can enjoy happiness, true connection with others and thesuccess you want for yourself.

This 10 step workbook is a vital resource for women who want to discover their true potential in all areas of their life. It will teach you how you can believe in and value yourself as never before.

To purchase Annie’s ebook, go to www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

About the Author

Are you willing to stop living with the lack he said you deserved and start creating the joyous life you are entitled to?  Are you willing to break free from the shackles of low self-worth and abusive relationships to become The Woman You Want To Be?

Annie Kaszina is a specialist Empowerment Coach who can work with you through "The Woman You Want To Be" programme, workshops and one to one coaching. You'll learn to root out self-limiting beliefs, tap into your inner joy and attract the relationships you want.

Find out more by visiting our website www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com and subscribe to our newsletter. Your email address will be treasured and kept totally private. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Author: Annie Kaszina Women’s Self-Discovery Coach.
Further information: www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

You may copy or distribute ‘The Woman You Want To Be’ providing this copyright notice and full information about contacting the author are attached.
Contact her at: www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com

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